Few months ago during a
radio show's commercial break, I heard a joke about three vampires in a
restaurant who were about to take their dinner. The joke went something like
this (not precisely though 'cause I've had a vague memory about it):
Waiter: May I
take your orders, gentlemen?
Rich Vampire:
Fresh whole blood please.
Middle-Class
Vampire: Dinuguan* please.
Poor Vampire:
Hot water please!
The others who heard the third vampire where troubled as he continues to rummage his bag. Delighted, he took out a used sanitary napkin (yes, one that was used by a female human being) and used it as a teabag.
*Diniguan is a Filipino savory
stew of meat and/or offal (typically lungs, kidneys, intestines, ears, heart
and snout) simmered in a rich, spicy dark gravy of pig blood, garlic, chili
(most often siling mahaba), and vinegar. The term dinuguan comes from the
Filipino word dugo meaning "blood".
So much about that.
One of my suitors asked me a few times of the reason behind the bouts of mood swings, sudden appearance of a lot of pimples, and an increase in appetite. Well, my dear, you've just noticed some of the symptoms that I am having PMS.
- Acne
- Swollen or tender breasts
- Upset stomach, bloating,
constipation, or diarrhea
- Headache or backache
- Appetite changes or food
cravings
- Joint or muscle pain
- Trouble with concentration or
memory
- Tension, irritability, mood
swings, or crying spells
- Anxiety or depression
- Dysphoria (unhappiness)
- Stress
- Difficulty in falling asleep
(insomnia)
- Changes in libido
Every
month, I do not experience all of these at the same time neither do they appear
successively each month...except for one: FOOD CRAVING.
These are some of the
few cravings that I've had for the past few months this year.
Pochero for the month of February
Taho for March
La Tundan for June (specifically "gwapa" and with twins)
Due
to these cravings, some people would jokingly say that I may be pregnant or
something. Sheesh. Not now darlings. I'm not yet married. As for me, there are
times I would either crave for something, or other times do not crave at all
for a specific delicacy but would constantly look for something to devour errrr
chew, I mean.
Well
here's the point, I expected my period to come by July 14 to 16 and it turned
out I was delayed by a few days. Earlier this morning, about 4 a.m., I was
awakened by a sudden gush of fluid as I rolled over. Yes boys and girls, it's
my first day for this month.
Ahh, if you gents knew just how this phenomenon could cause different kinds of emotions to every man and woman in the world:
- Mothers who would continually hear about their little girl's (who haven't had their menarche yet) endless chatter of excitement, would be bombarded with a lot of queries about its "arrival"
- For those who are expecting for its "finish line" and their significant others who would be irritated by the extreme hormonal effects and a little World War III every now and then --oh yes, believe me (*raises hand*)
- It could mean impending doom for those whose periods are just around the corner
- Sometimes, its arrival could disappoint those who are planning to have their bundle of joy
- Other times, having it would cause relief to those who have a family history of polycystic ovary syndrome or some sort of hormonal or reproductive system related problems
- Mollification for those who've had a good time with their partner but still weren't planning to have their offspring yet
- Oh and yes,that poor little vampire who just happened to pass by...;)
By: Belle Hyacinth Bata
